i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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