you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
