I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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