my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
