Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
