I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
