Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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