Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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