hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
