Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
