and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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