College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
