Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize