whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
