I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
