I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
