Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
