She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
