Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
