also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You've changed since you got that strap on
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
