Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
