You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
