I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
