oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
