She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
