I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
