i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
birth control should be required to get into college
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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