So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
where am i from again
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
