so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
