So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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