Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
