You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
