i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
