I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
