So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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