You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
