Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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