I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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