someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
