Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
