he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
