took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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