i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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