it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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