i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
