Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am available for nakedness
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
