Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
