He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
