one two three fourrrrnication!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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