i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
