She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
