I'm lost and stupid without you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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