Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
