What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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