Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
