is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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