I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
