I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
