hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
