Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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