Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
