So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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