Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize