and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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