OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He shit in the fireplace
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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