my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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