I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
