Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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