fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
