Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
