Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
