i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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