Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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