were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
