on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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